Pages of My.Lies

A year from the past; moving forward or turning back.

2011-11-23T04:05:00.000+11:00

Time passes so fast.

Exactly a year ago, things were going so unstable.

Who would have thought I ended up where I am right now?

going on exchanges, meeting new friends and travelling heaps.

Yet sometimes, I still feel empty.

Missing what I used to have; missing you especially.

Just wishing that one day, you'll just be a buried memories that will forever be repressed.

Renewal; mark the date

2011-10-31T22:22:00.000+11:00

Today marks my day of a new beginning.

Hopefully, I will learn stand firm with His teaching;

no more unnecessary heartbreaks

no more thoughts that will engulfed my soul

Learning to let it all go and moving on;

for a better future; for a new beginning

in Him, we shall never be alone

2011-03-11T20:33:00.000+11:00

I swear this is like the first friday night in like months that I'm staying at home.

Feels somewhat lonely.

This is quite depressing, I must say.

-sigh-

but I wanna rmb this quote.

God has never promised us that we shall never feel lonely.

But He promise that in Him, we shall never be alone :)

alright peeps, I'm gonna to watch drama now and make myself feel useful.

i'm coming home; and U will be there waiting for my arrival

2011-03-09T19:46:00.000+11:00

I swear this feels sooo weird typing smth on my blog again.

Feels so foreign and strange.

Wonder why I left at the start.

and now wonderin' what I'm doing here right now.

Life has been so confusing and complicated for the past few months.

and it still is; but it's getting alot better.

and I have hopes that it's only gonna get better and better

*finger crossed*

2011; let's all make a difference.

a change in our life.

step out of our comfort zone!

and move forward.

the more I'm typing, the more I just wanna tell you guys everything that's been happening!

I just came back 3 weeks ago from SG.

and I'm soo busy!

somehow, somewhat.

but then again, it must be my epic-fail time management that made me feel that way!

I really have to connect back to my highschool friends

feels like I haven't seen them for oinks!

or if I do see then, it just so shallow and surface.

like I don't even know what's been going on in their lives!

I want to stay positive.

and stay busy in order to keep my mind off certain things.

Loving this new song by Diddy

I'm coming home.
Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday
my kingdom awaits; they forgiven my mistakes.

happybirthday Jesus!

2010-12-25T13:51:00.000+11:00

hohoho merry x'mas

2010-12-25T04:52:00.000+11:00

Not much X'mas mood!
no x'mas trees, no presents in the sock, no santa claus!
don't u wish that we went back in time and live on that fairytale?
I think my parents think I grew old of the whole santa claus thing

but played monopoly deal the whole night with friends
even when the clock stuck midnight, everyone was too engrossed in winning
we dismiss the whole "merry x'mas" thing

can't wait for NY though.
It means NEW YEAR!
and that means NEW RESOLUTIONS! :P

night peeps!

Build a bridge and get over it?

2010-12-23T03:03:00.000+11:00

easy said.

soo it's been a month and I'm utterly confused than ever.
I wonder why I don't every blog anymore.
I guess it's becos I either don't want my feelings to leaked out
or simply, I don't get How I feel!

I've been in singapore for 5 days
and it's been going okay though I really wanna return back to australia
but I guess it will be a good break for me.
away from everything

so my thoughts will be clearer :)

btw, I finally have internet today! been surving without it.
and amazing it was okay.
until I feel like I totally disconnected from the world; and then I started to worry.

I had a 5 hour nap just then and now I'm sooo stuffed!!
I woke up at 10pm :X and it's only midnight now!

x'mas is coming soon! even though I don't feel any festive mood :/
can't wait for new year though!
a new life awaits...hopefully

and I wanna start blogging again.
even though I say that all the time.
maybe I shld get a new fresh blog and start afresh?

falling in as quickly as falling out

2010-11-24T11:15:00.000+11:00

this song is such an encouragement to me
and the timing couldn't have been more perfect :)

I, sometimes, wonder if I have spilt personality or smth along this line.
One moment, I tell myself that I'm able to accept this.
Afterall, any form of ending leads to a new beginning right?
Letting it go and filling with a joyful heart to face whatever that may come next.
And I know and believe that everything happens for a purpose.
My mission is completed and now it's the time to leave.

But other times, I wake up in the morning and feel like everything is such a dream
From the point of unification to separation.
Can this be real?

Feels like for the past few months,
I've been living a lie.
Since when did I become so immersed and blinded
that I failed to see beyond the lies?
Was I the only one who poured out everything?

I feel like a little doll being played around with.
Gosh mish, since when have you become so dumbed?

Ahh whatever, I can get through this.
It's only a matter of changed hearts and time.

But it's really all over now.

life's like that

2010-11-09T10:26:00.000+11:00

It's amazing what I experience in church few days ago.
something that words cannot simply express

I feel soooo refreshed
so postive for once.

hopefully this feeling will last forever
cos there's nothing else that I would ever want.

my exams officially start in a couple of hours time.
and you know what's funny.
I'm SOO NOT READY
but then again, who can ever be ready for an exam?

can't wait for everything to finish.
so I can focus on doing things that make me happy :)

express.

2010-11-04T19:19:00.000+11:00

thank you my beloved friends for your concerns :)
im perfectly fine to be honest!

man, i miss high school so much.
miss the days where I can just be so carefree!
chatting at lunch,

laughing all the time,
going crazyyyy,

I wish I could turn the clock backwards
I feel like since uni started I haven't spend much time with my highschool mates :(

hopefully, friendship will be everlasting
even if we don't see each other for a while.

OMOSH can't wait for exams to finish!!
and see my beloved friends again <3

bye world.

2010-11-03T10:15:00.000+11:00

I never thought of myself as someone strong.
but neither did I think I was weak.
and now, it just prove me that I, myself, have fallen.
vulnerability is the only word that comes into my mind.

I've given more than I thought I could ever give.
and now, perhaps not so much regrets.
but rather I am disappointed in myself.
my stupidity has caused me much more to bear than I could imagine.

Anw, I believe I need a break from the world.
a break to see what they really mean to me.
and my position in their lives.
a break to allow my restoration and refocus on what's important.

goodbye world.

missing my innocences

2010-10-29T16:30:00.001+11:00

Currently at monash lib with no intention of studying.
Had a cup of butterscotch latte and my goodness,
the syrup is so full-on, i feel like i m going to have diabetes
and now i m pretty high on my sugar :)

Having a cup of coffee in my hand and reminiscing on the old high school days with J
Hilarious stuff; got to know the real reason why she first hang with me.
the first sleepover, the most embarassing stuff, etc,etc.
literally laughing so hard; my tummy hurts

As we grow older, finding happiness seems to get a bit harder and difficult.
don't you miss those days when you can drop dead laughing at smth that seems so trivial now?

those sincere and innocent smile that can lift up one's spirit.
How i wish we can turn the clock backwards and pause the moment.

Will we be able to survive what adulthood brings to us?
Responsibilities, reality, morality, financial issues seem to be a bombardment of our lives.
Where have those days gone when these issues never even cross our minds?
don't lose heart though; our grandparents and parents gone through it and survive.

But to me, it's not a matter of survival.
It's a matter of living life to its fullest.
I don't wanna live life for the sake of "living"
I wanna be here right now becos I have a purpose to fulfill.

At the end of the days,
I wanna say, "I have know Him, I have love Him, I have obey Him"

rockin' my world

2010-10-17T21:08:00.000+11:00

went to A Night With The Stars charity concert ytd night
and it was sooo cool.
man, I wish I was somehow somewhat be as talented like them
dancing, singing, and simply looking good :)

I know my blog is pretty much an emo blog!

but to be honest, i m not as emo as I sound to be.

alright, i bet you still don't believe me anyway.

love the lyric to death. and I mean it

did I mention that I shopped at Forever21!
becos USA is almost at par with AUS
hopefully my parcel will arrive soon :)

http://www.polaroid.com/en/stream

http://www.zink.com/buy-ZINK

I want a polaroid!

Drowning in my own world

2010-10-15T00:04:00.002+11:00

I'm currently sitting on my bed in the dark
typing on my lappy.

I know.
it sounds very much emo.
but whatever.

I've been experiencing some weird stuff lately.
things that I was always hoping for it to happen
yet now when it's time to decide,
it feels like I wish this time would never come.

2 ways to go from here now,
maybe i can prolong the time before the decision time is up.
yet, I will still have to choose ultimately.

do I really have to burn the bridge?
so that I will have no way of turning back to you?
you know I would stay if I could.
I would walk with you till the end if life enables me

but life has brought me something bigger.
something that I cannot miss.

sometimes, I cannot bear to see you for another seconds
yet other times, I wouldn't let go of your hands.
I wish my heart will stop its contradiction with my thoughts.

I have other places to go.
yet because we're here tgt,
I can't turn my back on you.
becos that feeling of missing you everyday,
of not being able to hear your voice
and knowing you're still here behind.
still to tied a knot around my heart
refuses to let me go.

I miss the old me again.
yet I have changed to someone else whom I bearly recognised.
someone else so that I could fit perfectly for you.

so that you will be happy with me
but I really don't know if this is me anymore.

I'm not the kind who says goodbyes

so would you please be the first to count to 3
and turn away?
never looking back again?

don'tplaythatmusic; cositonlybringsmemories

2010-10-11T15:31:00.001+11:00

I slept at 7am today just to finish my assignment off :/
but i m soo glad it's done!
no more assignment for the rest of the year!

I've been spending my time listening to music on youtube.
finding unknown singers with lyrics that's really meaningful.
what a day!

You say that every man is lookin' for just one thing

You say they love you but they really don't know what it means

So tell me how is this supposed to end

Cause I got this empty space inside of me where I let you in

I can't hear the sound of it beating

Its so hard breathing

I need to believe in love

So tell me how is this supposed to end

With one heart missing

so why do i feel like i'm livin' a lie

something in your eyes

is tellin' me to stop and think twice

and i just can't decide

so don't say you love me unless you mean it

'cause i might do something stupid

like believe it, like believe it

i might do something stupid

like believe it, like believe it

things difference now

doing what i can to change your mind

i apologized a thousand times

but it won't work, it won't work

cos baby now it just feels like i'm burning underwater

this pain ain't making us stronger

so as you're walking out the door

i'm screaming out don't go

if you love me baby you just won't go

i'll make it all better if you stay

so baby don't go

it feels like i'm dying

baby please i'm down on my knees

cherish.

2010-10-10T12:09:00.000+11:00

I'm really grateful for you
although you may never know this.
becos we seem to be living our own seperate ways already.
and Idk what's happening in your life either.

Yet, everytime I find myself lost in my situations.
It does feel like you're here with me.
It feels like you're always supporting me
even no matter how hard our past might be.

and I guess all I really wanna say is
Thank you.
Idk what spell you have put on me to feel this way.
and perhaps you might not even know that you have such strong impact on me.
but I appreciate the things you done.

Maybe our path will never cross eachothers' again
but know this, I'm glad we met
glad you left a footprint in my heart.
and I hope that the direction you're moving in now
will give you happiness you deserve.

but I do hope that one day,
we will meet face to face,
and there will be no more silence in between.

Letters from within;

2010-10-06T18:20:00.000+11:00

As I was packing my room today,

I found a letter from a old long lost friend

alright, maybe it was that long ago.
somehow it feels like it happened a long time ago,
yet at the same time, it feels like it was yesterday.

Idk what else to say
or what else that can be done.

but one thing for sure, I still miss you.
hoping that I will somehow see you again.

not as stranger, but something different

Is everything abit too late?

I realise that afterall,
this is not what I ultimately need or want.

If I could change it the way it used to be,
I would.

Drenched in tears

2010-09-30T21:18:00.001+11:00

AA ball last sunday!

my goodness, time is passing too fast.

I don't even have time to enjoy this mid-sem

haven't got the time to study either.

I wish someone would erase all my memories.

or make me become someone without emotions.

Then life will be much efficient, do you think?

Wondering why we even bother about love if it never last

songs that totally relates to you and me.

2010-09-20T01:24:00.000+11:00

Photobooth with Doo!

we went to high school reunion

and and...we found a logged-in macbook

so we decided to repeat history.

Normal normal pictures...

Oh damn, now the crazy and scary parts...

I am soooo sleep deprived

and I'm not sure whether crankiness is the result of it.

and also, memory loss cos seriously, I feel like I've done anything.

It's like I'm a living zoombie.

This year, along with its ups and down, has been vv different

I've done so many things I haven't thought I would.

sometimes, I hate it.

feeling like I'm going to the "dark side"

but maybe sometimes, it's the only thing I can do to make myself happy for a spilt second.

Random rant

2010-09-16T11:58:00.000+11:00

I feel so crap now
It must be becos I stayed up till 5am to do my psych assignment
and I skipped my first 3 lectures/tutes.

but I still have to go to uni >.<
great, means I have to leave soon too.

Did I mention how crap was reunion?
my goodness, what a waste of my time and all the hype.
and not to mention my 17 bucks!

WooOoh, last day of uni!
even though I have to go in tomorrow to hand in my assignment.

2 weeks of holidays.
What should I do?
it seems pretty short but can't be as bad as monash ppl
then again, they finish way earlier.

Heal my broken heart.

2010-09-13T17:26:00.000+11:00

I love this song.
I heard it a couple of times in church.
but only yesterday, this song hit me so badly.

That tingly feeling inside.
The pieces of a broken heart slowly being mended.
That feeling where you just want to stand and fight.
empowered by His love.

There's nothing in Christ that I can't do.
With Him, I am able to do all things.
He wipes the tears on my face,
comforts my soul,
and empowers me to do His will.

The sweet taste of Him brings joy and a smile to one's heart
He's the ultimate Healer.

Lyric:

No mountain, no valley

No gain or loss we know

Could keep us from Your love

No sickness, no secret

No chain is strong enough

To keep us from Your love

Chorus:

How high, how wide

No matter where I am

Healing is in Your hands

How deep, how strong

Now by Your grace I stand

Healing is in Your hands

Our present, our future

Our past is in Your hands

We're covered by Your blood

In all things, we know that

We are more than conquerors

You keep us by Your love

Today, my decision will change my future.
I'm afraid.
I'm on the edge of the cliff right now.
Eager to stay where I am,
but uncertain if my emotions will push me over.

Just let me do the right thing, please.

you done it all.

2010-09-13T00:07:00.000+11:00

In every possible way you can hurt me.
You done it all.

I don't know what to do anymore.
I wish my thoughts will leave me alone.
The fear in my heart still haunts me.
unsettled, alone, isolated.

No more pain, no more suffering.

I will get through this.
becos I'm stronger than this.

Take me away.

2010-09-12T10:58:00.000+11:00

I hate this.
I hate this
I hate this
I hate this

I hate myself

Someone take me away, please.
somewhere far.
somewhere where thoughts don't exist
where the world has rotten yet.
where there will only be tears of joy
where I can feel peace
no more pain and suffering.

Pic-Me

2010-09-11T14:00:00.000+11:00

Taiwanese Ball (monash)
hence why the fob glasses :)

Yes, so you see I have upload my photos :)
still have tons of random ones but I shall share that next time.

I'm sooo tired
haven't been sleeping so well lately.
I've tons of uni stuff to do and so many things on my mind.

I need a break. a mental break
before it breaks down.

I woke up in the morning,
feeling like I want to rip myself apart

living in the moment.

2010-09-08T16:57:00.000+11:00

I'm currently at this beautiful library.
Overlooking this pond which I like to think of it as a valley.
The houses are amazing. it's like display homes.

And to just emphasize how pretty this place is.
A car just stopped outside
and a highschool chick got off the car to take photos of the scenary
Damn, I wish I live around here.
It's so secluded from the everyday busy life.

I meant to be studying but the view is such a beau
that I have been daydreaming for a while now.
and guess what, I have a manga with me! :)

It feels peaceful here but it's sad to say that when I leave this place.
reality will hit hard again. oh no! xD

you know what, it feels like I'm at wilson prom.
can't wait for holidays to come. but this only means that my mid-sem test is next week
and my assignment worth 40% is due next week toooo!!

My gosh, someone save me!

I will miss you no more till tomorrow comes

2010-09-06T16:28:00.001+11:00

I think today is the first day I start to feel sad for my lost time.
no regrets, I would always say.
but I do wish I learn to cherish and treasure what I had before.

I miss my friends.
those lovely people who have never fail to brighten my day,
who are always there to lend me their shoulders
who care and love for me
who trouble over my own problems.sorry for my absences, but I sincerely miss you.
Old pictures from 2009
can't wait for reunion next week :)

Being 19

2010-09-06T05:50:00.001+11:00

I just finish my assignment and it's now 4.30am!

WooOoohh.......

I'm so sleep deprived, esp the fact that I only had less than 3 hour of sleep on friday night.

But anw, I don't wanna go to sleep becos I'm feeling like crap.

and to be honest, I don't even know why I'm posting up photos from my birthday?

I feel so dumb posting all these up because it makes me feel even more piss off at myself.

but whatever, mayb it's to make myself think positively.

My birthday dinner at Shira Nui

Birthday cake with Gary

-made by P.ho <3

My Surprise B'dae

Sometimes, the word "sorry" has lost its meaning.

becos I'm so sick of hearing it.

it doesn't even mean anything anymore.

What's the point of that when it's a whole lot of BS?

still don't understand why I put myself through all these.

For me, this is the worst time to post about my b'dae

you know why?

cos posting up my b'dae is meant to be a happy thing.

but I just can't pretend to sound "excited"

Oh well, my b'dae has been ages ago anyway.

maybe when my mood is better. I'll write something happy :)

good nights peeps!

and oh wait, not to mention AA ball tables are such a hassle.

never gonna organise 1 again, let alone 2!

trivia night

2010-09-03T12:27:00.000+11:00

Danielle's trivia night was sooo cool!
our team came LAST
WoooOOoh!

I was literally walking home when J said she'll pick me up to World Vision
so I had to grab a muffin and cookies
which she ate most of it!
so I was stuffing myself with chips there instead of paying attention to the Qs.

Q. Which country in Africa is the most populated?

me: What? isn't Africa a country already? *munchin my chips*
mal: you loser. it's a continent

Love.the.lyrics

2010-08-31T22:09:00.000+11:00

stop and listen

its my thoughts calling your name

screaming out the way I feel

i wish you would do the same

i think you might be on the same book

same line same page

im tired

listening to your silence brings the water to my eyes

please give me a reason to stay

gotta get us back on track

cause the worst thing is

loving someone who doesnt love you back

i think you do but I need you to say it need

i cant read your mind

tell me from time to time

i need you to say it

need you to tell me

Metamorphosis

2010-08-31T11:48:00.000+11:00

I packed my room yesterday
and it's the best feeling ever!

that's one of the first step towards my organised and healthy lifestyle

I shall call this plan....
Metamorphosis
Okay, so I came across this newspaper article at the start of the year
which I didn't have the time to read it
but I read the article ytd when i was packing my room.

So the article reads...

"If you're not achieving all that you'd like in life, it's probably because you haven't established a daily ritual"
Raise your hands!

"Mee MEe"

Alright sooo here's come the solution!

Anti-Procrastination RitualBe Crystal-Clear what you want in life!
visualise your goad and write a today's To Do list.
Shoose the most important goal on your list and start immediately
Spend at least 10 min on each of the other task

Industry-Mastery RitualThis ritual is for people who want to become experts in their field.
Daily: read an industry book (20 minutes) or magazines, blogs, websites
Quarterly: have coffee with one industry expert
Annually: Attend two industry conferences.

(actually this is kinda of boring yeah? but here comes the exciting part)

Social-life Improvement Ritual
Make a list of the friends and acquaintances you'd like to see more of and read it each morning.
Set a target of one social event including one of these people each week (coffee, lunch, movie, etc)
Make one call or email each day to say hi or arrange a catch-up with friends.

Soooo, I'm going to make it a point to catch up with my friends who I've been neglecting!!!
can't wait!

and I serz think there's another page to the article but I have forgotten to tear it off from the magazine.
Oh well. you get the drift.

Not ready to fall; because I don't trust that someone will b there to catch me

2010-08-30T12:12:00.000+11:00

I'm not going to make myself feel this way

I will give it up before I even could.

I've forgotten that feeling of having hope
and putting your feelings into something.
Because you actually start caring.
you know you're bound to be hurt
when the dissappointment fills the empty spaces..

But I guess all these feelings have brought me closer to reality.
the pain has awaken me up from my blinded soul.

Goodbye III by ~drakmin on deviant ART

yours truly by ~ntscha on deviant ART

tardivement. by *indiae on deviant ART

Letters from the unknown

2010-08-29T12:22:00.000+11:00

fly into the light. . .. by *light-from-Emirates on deviant ART

It brings me to tears now. by =nietuzinka on deviant ART

a Letter by ~Alephunky on deviant ART

Letter For My Love 4 by ~alikafaythe on deviant ART

Ennui by ~zevaazka on deviant ART

Nous. by ~kittysyellowjacket on deviant ART

Blow by =iKate on deviant ART

Love Is by =iKate on deviant ART

Hold me for a while by *DoraLovey on deviant ART

I wish I didn't snap out of my cbs mood that early.
then this wouldn't have happen.

Quotes. compression of feelings

2010-08-29T02:42:00.000+11:00

I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.

E. B. White

Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor.

Sholom Aleichem

Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imagination and bottling the common sense.

Helen Rowland

Can't believe I have to listen to freaking relaxing music.

Ahhh, I really want to run away.
hide smwhere.
and close my eyes and feel the peace
perhaps leave for somewhere else
away from what I'm trying to run away from.

sweeet

2010-08-25T22:19:00.000+11:00

Sweeet sweet sweet.
Life is too good to stress about anything right?

I love this CBS feeling!
it's making me real happy.
but somehow, I know it wouldn't last!

At least, I'm just living in this moment! :)

love this quote i heard

Don't let someone fall for you
if you're not planning to catch them.
J.gay left last sunday and it's soo sad cos I'm already missing all the fun when he's here
I wonder what's your thoughts on long distance friendship or some sort.

I never realise how it feels to have a friend overseas or waiting for a friend who's overseas
becos I was the one who left sg behind.
but it's amazing becos my friendship with my sg friends actually became stronger.
I hope that's the same for JG.

Today, I hang with jo for the second time of the year lol
and only one word to describe it
awesome.
she's sooo amazing :)

can't wait for holidays to come soon!!

會呼吸的痛;別再為他流淚

2010-08-20T02:44:00.000+11:00

Hang out with dooey 3 days ago.
watched BOY - NZ movie at know eurofilms
was pretty cool movie and I actually liked it!
still loving our d&ms over dinner :)

Hangout with J.gay and P.C two days ago
It's so sad J is leaving for america for good.
man, I will miss J ..... for doing my assignments for me :(

Do you ever wonder to yourself
Why do you put yourself through certain situations?
when it's so painful and sad.
when you cry over stupid things?

Then you asked yourself the last question,
"Is this worth it?"

but you will never know the answer.

Charlie teh unicron

2010-08-16T02:12:00.003+11:00

WATCH MY NEW FAVE YOUTUBE VIDEO :)

If I gave you 2 choices;

2010-08-16T02:01:00.003+11:00

Yes yes yes.
Haven't been blogging again.
and I feel insecure ranting on this blog sometimes.

There're exciting things that are happening
and of course, things that aren't going very well.
But that's life I suppose :)

you know Humans are funny creatures.
They can change really fast.
adapt into a new environment really quickly too.
I'm amazed and I applaud for such ability.
but sometimes I wonder whether it's a good thing?
whether it's for the best.

Imagine this.
You're living a wonderful life.
You have everything you need.
and perhaps you have a gf/bf/or bestf
things are going really smoothly right now.

I guess the best description is that:
you're very happy with your life right nowbut you know that as time goes on though,
things will slowly deteriorate.
your relationship will not last and it will end up really badly.

So today,
I give you 2 choices in life.

you can choose to leave that person
and know that these happiest memories will be what that holds you together.
you will never know the end.
but at least you know you had the greatest beginning.

Or

you can continue to leave things the way they are
and then when things aren't going right,
when you start seeing things at different ends and conflict arises.
perhaps by then, the only thing that will occupy your life
is regrets? or hatred?
that you will never be able to reconcile that relationship forever.

I don't know which choice is for the best.
but they aren't perfect anyway.
If you're smart though
you can tell which side I'm more inclined to.

but that doesn't mean I will choose that route.
It's just sound better.
leaves you to recreate/fantasize the end of your destiny.

The way it has become

2010-07-23T12:13:00.001+11:00

I hate this part of life.
I don't even know how I ended up here.
I thought I learned my mistakes.
Yet, I fell so deep again.

I will never forget the happy times we've been through.
how you can make me feel like the happiest person alive.
but we will never be able to withstand hardship nor pain.
Maybe this is how shallow and surface this whole thing has become.

I don't know whether I am capable to survive this blow.

Agape Love; Love God Love People

2010-07-18T14:32:00.002+11:00

This week has been one crazy week for me.
I went to Mt buller for 2 days!
it's great meeting your highschool friends again and going on a short trip :)

getting busy everyday.
and my highlight is attending Empower.
a church conference held at Grace's

It's one of those time when you feel a transformation.
or perhaps, more like a wake up call.
that you haven't been living life straight.
or the way you said you always wanted.
it happens becos so often what we say, we don't preach.
and from the contribution of what the world throws at us.

I rmb struggling alot in highschool
where I couldn't really see the meaning of VCE
the reason why people put such high expectations on it,
deeming it as the only thing that will give you a future.

I was practically torned apart.
but now, my feelings are somewhat a little different,
evolving from the same concept though.

This year, it has been a relatively crazy 1st semester.
Ups and Downs.
especially my emotional state.
so unpredictable

I admit that I haven't been the life this year the way I said I wanted to.
and there's nothing else to say
besides feeling that guilt.
besides disappointing myself.

But then again,
I've gained so much this year.
I learned so many things that I would have never in a lifetime.
I guess ultimately, I learned the meaning of what it means to like someone.
the dire state that we are all in.
and the desire to bring hope to everyone.

and for the past few weeks,
I have struggled with that.
I let all the emotions overwhelm me that I forgot who I really was.
who I really wanted to be.
wasting my time over the silliest thing ever.

but you know what,
it's never too late.
now, the focal of life has been back in perspective.
and I hope I will never lose it again.
I hope I will hold on to this promise.

The first message I receive from the conference was about:

Agape Love

"Agape is love which is of and from God, whose very nature is love itself"

"The essence of agape love is self-sacrifice"

"He loves the unlovable and the unlovely (us!), not because we deserve to be loved, but because it is His nature to do so, and He must be true to His nature and character"
(to read the full article, visit Agapelove)

How wonderful is that?
Do you really understand the meaning of love?

even I don't understand the full meaning of it.
but I'm sure that you will never know the fullest of it till you understand God's love.
His love is the Ultimate.I want to devote myself to love God and love People again.
Big statement. but hopefully achievable.

Sometimes, I wonder where has that old mish been?

Day by day

2010-07-05T13:15:00.000+11:00

Ahhh, I'm sick now

actually, I don't know how serious this is

but I have a massive headache and sorethroat xD

I watched toy story 3 ytd!
mygosh, the sweetest movie ever!
I wonder if my toys were really alive
would they be that loyal :)

I made a few important decisions in my life lately.
not sure if they're for the best.
but somehow and somewhat,
I feel content and excited about it.
it's like finding a treasure box, I suppose.

and on a exciting news,
I passed QM!!
so yayyers, no repeat next sem for QM
but I m not sure about psych yet!

and if you guys could do me a favour!
tell me if I shld do Maths or Psych for next sem

I'm not sure if it's becos I m sick right now
that I get so edgy about certain things.
Too much thinking going through my head.
and feeling annoyed.

I guess ultimately,
I'm the only one who will need to face my own conscience.

ViVi. ChooChooo

2010-06-26T00:07:00.001+11:00

I love Vivi magazine.
The models are sooo freakin hot.

and on a side note, I really like Lena's hair
(it's the girl in the middle)

Alright, I freakin like her hair alot!

One day, I'm going to japan
and I m gonna wear a kimono
but I just don't know when that day will come. xD

I think short hair is a really in thing now.
Not the regular neat bob
but short messy teased hair with volume.

Anw, I got really excited today when I checked my mail.

and...it's an incoming advertising from Disney Playhouse – Mickey Choo Choo DVD

alright, this is pretty random but wow, I was just mentioning about Mickey CHoo CHooooo not long ago

Lost in your eyes

2010-06-23T17:59:00.000+11:00

forever21
don't they all look gorgeous?
I wish I was rich :)

I was gonna search up how to adjudicate (alright, I know I sound like a loser now)
but anw, the first thing that came out when I was typing is
how to ask a girl out.

so, being the boring me, I decide "Why not?"
and wikiHow has a pretty cool answer lol

http://www.wikihow.com/Ask-a-Girl-Out

I think it's pretty funny how the Internet gives you every solution you need.

don't you just love google?

As I have said previously,
I know I gotta do alot of stuff.
but I simply can't be stuffed!
I don't wanna go debating tonight.
it's sooo damn far away
and I gotta take the train
cos I hate driving now.

I ALWAYS get lost
even if I travel on the same road a million times.

I was driving to camberwell ytd and I got lost.
Who in the world would design such a road that is 45 degree to each other?
took me 50 mins to get where I wanted
when it usually takes me 20 min to drive there.

alright, enuff ranting :)

can't wait to go G's tonight.
oh, I have a sudden urge to drink x]

comfort zones; don't pull me out of it yet.

2010-06-20T22:19:00.000+11:00

so yesh, I do realise that my blog has been pretty empty for this whole year.
if you're wondering where I have been, like a goodfriend would do.
just thought I let you know I haven't died yet :P

I have been facing alot of ups and downs in the past 3months
like a normal person would, I suppose.

and I just feel it's kinda of weird blogging now.
It sometimes feels like I can't write my exact thoughts and feelings.
maybe becos I'm afraid to express my views?
or I feel like I'm answerable to someone?

Oh well, doesn't matter.
cos now I'm just gonna try to push away those thoughts.
and write the normal crap like I always do!

2010 has been a weird year for me.
It's all feels like a dream.
and I still can't believe I haven't woken up from it yet.
I'm living one day at a time, right now
no futures, no hopes. not now, not yet.

I'm too afraid to wake up and face reality.
I feel stagnant. and to a certain extent, I like staying at this moment of time.

Not sure if you have ever felt that way.
feels like you can't move out of any situation you're in.
you know you need to move on, yet you simply can't.
or perhaps you just think that you can't.
or maybe you just don't want to.

anwhoo, it's currently my first time blogging on this red hp netbook which my mum got it for free
It's pretty annoying.
cos the screen is small, making my eyes really tired
and it's really slow, testing my patience
and not to mention the stupid touchpad thing is so sensitive.
I need a mouse, literally.

oh there's smth I haven't test out!
which is the webcam x]

There's a whole loads of things I m meant to do for my "holiday"
and I shall blog about it to remind myself tmr :)
and testing the camera would be first on my list.

when you miss me; I'm here always

2010-06-19T01:04:00.000+11:00

I'm soo happy I finished all my exams
might have to repeat some subjects here and there
but oh well, I'm not fuss at this present moment :)

went to jin's house today
FOR FUN :)

girl talks with weird convos <3

This is what happens when you have
1. two chicks around
2. a laptop with a camera

Love

2010-06-11T13:10:00.007+11:00

孩子，當你經歷過愛人與被愛，學會了愛，才會知道什麼是你需要的，也才會找到最適合你，能夠相處一輩子的人。但很悲哀的是在現實生活中，這三個人通常不是同一個人；你最愛的，往往沒有選擇你；最愛你的，往往不是你最愛的；而最長久的，偏偏不是你最愛也不是最愛你的，只是在最適合的時間出現的那個人。
a comment taken from youtube

which I found it very true.

inspire-me

2010-06-07T20:05:00.000+11:00

my first exam today.
pretty gay.
but finger crossed.
hopefully I passed xD

there's so many things I need to blog about.
but I don't know where to start.

I can't wait for my exams to finish by next week.
got tons of things on my list.
starting from making a whole new makeover for my blog :)

Untitled.

2010-05-26T22:58:00.000+11:00

man, I have been saying I need a haircut for like ages.
but I don't know what I want
and I realise that for the past few years, my hairstyle is the same.

Hooowww boooringgg...

I just had to put this picture up for no particular reason =)

we look to yahweh

2010-05-02T23:12:00.001+11:00

Why couldn't we save?

2010-04-21T22:28:00.002+11:00

Why why why?

that's all that going through my mind.

I can't do this anymore.
Please give me the strength to.

Life is so harsh

2010-04-21T21:09:00.002+11:00

Have you ever experience someone saying smth so serious?

especially when it's an overseas phone call?

It's like your heart drops

and fear seems to overtake your body

Life is soo bloody fragile.

I wish that I could turn back time

Undo everything I have done.

Or perhaps do something about it.

But it's too late now.

and when we tink about all these.

We wish that we take all unnecessary desires away

becos they freaking don't mean a single thing.

and wish we could have done something for the sake of humankind.

Idk why, but this time it's so different

2010-04-20T22:12:00.002+11:00

Piano players by ~thememory666 on deviant ART

Hope by ~LedyJ on deviant ART

I'm having a hard time grasping my feelings

It's so weird.

I can't seem to control how I think or feel

It's like I know that where I'm going is just either a dead end or a cliff

Yet, I'm still walking towards there.

Someone pull me back

make sure I don't regret.

floating away

2010-04-18T22:22:00.000+11:00

come to think of it.
I miss photoshopping
but I can't seem to find the time.

Oh well.

I miss those days where you can just sit around
and daydream

but fairytales don't exist in real life

It's the opposite of hatred

2010-04-14T21:24:00.000+11:00

Pics from Pwoo&Mel's bdae =)

stolen from fb

awww
p.ho is my lil pet hamster lol

so asian man =/

see the affection between mel&mish?

alright, this mirror photo kinda freaks me out =/

Anw, my hands/wrist are hurting soo badly nowsadays
it's crazyy!
I couldn't even sleep last night becos of the sharp pain.
and I don't even know what's wrong with it =(

so I shall leave you guys with a emo photo then.

Btw, did I mention how much I hate uni?
oh probably loads of time.
I wanna defer!!

I feel quite peacefuly lately.
even though there're alot of things to stress about.
But I guess it's not so important when you set your mind above.
or maybe I shld start stressing soon xD

I'm not leaving you.
not now and not in eternity

I'll find you in my dreams tonight

2010-04-12T23:41:00.000+11:00

I post the rest of the photos tomo
cos I am really tired and I have a 8am start tomo!
sucks =(

But anw, I have been busy getting my life straight during the easter break
made a few decisions here and there
and hopefully, everything will be in its place.

goodnight, but never goodbye
cos I'll be seeing you in my dreams again

He died so we could live

2010-04-03T01:28:00.000+11:00

Happy easters =)
hope you guys receive lots of easters egg!

Anw, I went to Belgrave Easter Convention today
and the message was great!

I guess it's really true.
What is a failure in your life compared to when you have Jesus for eternity?

Again, when you think about all the things that upset you in life.
Look above!
Set your mind for the things that will last forever
rather than those that will fade when you turn to ashes

Is He knocking on your door today?

Anw, I'm exhausted!
I came back from Belgrave
wanting to have a mini nap
But noooo,
ppl had to ring me like every 5-10 minutes
b4 I get my butt off to nate's place =/

and they're still movie marathoning...
I wish I could stayover
but I guess being a good lil girl and going home early is the way to go =)
Ahh, I admire myself sometimes lol

Assignments Sucks

2010-03-31T06:00:00.000+11:00

Can you believe this?
It's 6am in the morning
and I haven't finish off my assignment which is due at 2pm =/

Yep I am almost there though!!
and I wagging uni today...
like obviously!

good night cos I need a nap =)

Diggin' a grave for myself

2010-03-28T20:25:00.002+11:00

Pictures from A's party last week x]

and unfortunately I didn't take any photo at J's on friday

Camwhore with mel in the toilet can be soooo exciting =)

Did not understand why mel had to take the toilet ==

My camera started vibrating lol

mel would know =/

but I thought the effects were good

Anw, since J's party was salvo theme

I bought this size 20 shirt for 6 bucks at salvation army

and transform into this

took me 2 and a half hours to sew this!

and some peeps actually said I looked like a tablecloth...

mayb that's why I didn't pull out my camera during the party =/

Anw, on the side note

since I haven't been blogging for ages,

I've been really tired lately

kinda of getting annoyed at life.

But I guess everyone has to go through this stage some time.

Sometimes, I wonder to myself

"Why the heck do I even try?"

I don't even know what went through my head that day

but yesh, I was acting weird and embarassing S the whole time =/

I guess I have forgotten about ytd

and today starts another chapter of my life.

Can't seem to breathe properly
when my heart is pumpin' hard.

Livin' on your potion

2010-03-17T22:24:00.000+11:00

WooOOhh!
I skipped uni today
cos I was really really tired...
actually more like cbs

I love sleeping in.
now I wish I don't have to go tomo.

Anw, I have good news!
I found my camera cable which means I can upload photos!

This picture come from SSS(singapore society smth?)
at brighton beach.

I was playing captain ball
and I actually can't really process what happen
but I think someone's nail caught into my skin =/
and now, it looks even more ugly =(

Oh and I got whacked in the face by a flying frisbeeeee

I hate that game.

Am I really imagining you?

2010-03-14T01:18:00.000+11:00

Oh man, Shutter Island - the movie I have been waiting to watch
is seriously the most twisted movie ever.

But it was good movie.
I love the ending.
but half way through the movie,
I was soo annoyed
I actually felt quite disturb =/

and now, I'm afraid to go to sleep.
x]

Where's the love when you need it?

2010-03-12T00:24:00.005+11:00

I wish the world was much simpler.
I wish we can all be naive and be happy for just a moment.
I wanna be in a place where the past doesn't affect the future.
Where we can forget all and just love each other for who we are.
no holding on to grudges, only forgiveness and pure love.
but ahh, that's impossible.

There's no such thing that exist like this.

Man, I seriously need a break from life.

I know this might sound mean
but I m just sick and tired of watching out the things I do
Just in case I make someone unhappy.

I wanna live like there's no tomorrow
that when I'm about to die.
I can truly say I live with no regrets
becos I know Him, I hear Him and I obey Him.

I still love the lyrics from Tim Hughes's God of Justice.

We must go live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken, we must go
Stepping forward keep us from just singing
Move us into action, we must go
Anw, if you're interested you can find the link on my other blog =)

Seriously, I don't know why it's affecting me so much.
I feel like a loser who is putting unneccesary stress upon myself =/
What's wrong with me man

Great...another emo post.
but I guess you guys are quite used to it.

Oh Hail!

2010-03-08T17:12:00.000+11:00

How freakin scary was saturday?
I just got home and went to change when suddenly,
I heard loud pounding sound coming from the rooftop
and then I got out and realise they were hailstones

but not the normal ones we see frequently in winter.
These were Huge!
size of a golfball or tennis ball if you were lucky.

Lucky I got home in time and drove out after it stopped hailing.

But I seriously thought it was the end of the world.
I was screaming like, "omoshh, we're gonna die!!"

but phew, we survived =)

Oooh, 2nd week of uni...
How BORING =/

uni is like 100x worst than highschool
Ahhh, I miss my highschool friends.

Oh and I have to rave about smth.
I went to M's party on sat and then drove all the way to A's house at wantirna south.
but I forgotten the house no. so I rang everyone and no one picked up their phone!!

so then I drove to all the way back to another friend's place becos I was simply annoyed.

What's a waste of my 30 minutes and my excitement =/

Lost, yet to be found

2010-03-03T20:17:00.000+11:00

I got no idea what I have been doing in my life lately
I feel kinda of lost.
and I got no idea what I've been busy doing.
All I know is that I come home late and go off early.
I'm so tired of life right now
I guess I really need some time alone
in my own private space just to think what I wanna do this year.

2010-02-27T11:54:00.001+11:00

I just realise how annoying the post format is.
I hardly can even read a single thing.

I shall change it tonight.

It's revolving around too fast.

2010-02-27T11:53:00.000+11:00

Alright so I know that I haven't been blogging for the past 3 months.
and this blog is as good as dead.
but somehow, I will try to revive it soon.

I arrived back in Melb last Sunday and from that day onwards,
life seems to get busier and busier.
There're still so many things to do but I really cbs.

And omosh, uni officially starts next week.
I gotta this feeling that I just won't survive it.

I miss so many people here and I still haven't got the chance to meet up with them.
I guess this is the period of time where everyone has more impt things to do than to catch up for a drink
Sometimes, I still wish I was in highschool.
Didn't have to bother about almost anything.

Genting trip

2010-02-27T01:40:00.000+11:00

Okay so I stole photos from fb.
and this is my genting trip =)

Happy Cny and Valentines

2010-02-14T13:02:00.000+11:00

It's rare that valentines falls exactly on chinese new year!

but kinda of contradicts the fact that valentine's day is meant for couples
and cny is meant for family gathering.

so which one do you choose to spend with?

There're so many things I wanna jot down on this little post.
but I'm too hungry to do so.
and I need to go house visiting to collect Red Packet!
=)

Society

2010-02-07T01:16:00.002+11:00

I'm thankful once again
for all the trials I have gone through,
for all the happy moments that I was able to be a part of.
for all the family and friends whom I love
for the journey of life that has been smooth
for the opportunity of sharing the universe with you.

Regardless what we're facing right now, at this present moment
I always believe in one thing.

that when we looked at the bigger picture,
all the little things that have caused us annoyance, pain, fear and stress seem so
insignificant
I believe that is what makes the human being so unique.
That we are given a choice each day to decide on how we're going to face the world
and it is this choice of ours
that determines our tomorrow.

The definition of happiness, success or achievement is so vague and different to each one of us.
but it's by this very definition that we would deem anything to be a blessing or a curse.

My personal definition is still quite uncertain.
it is constantly moulded by the society which sometimes seems to corrupt one's mind

No matter how much we say that we have the freedom to make decisions.
I think many of our decisions are influenced by the standards of this world.

If only we can be happy not by satisfying what society expects of us.

ain't easy to overcome

2010-02-04T22:50:00.000+11:00

I was looking forward for a change yeah?
so I bought coloured contact lens
but seriously, they freak me out pretty badly.
Omosh, I never knew how hard it was to put contact lens in

I was at the optometry trying on Maxi grey contact lens
and my gosh, I was in there for an hour
becos no matter how hard I tried, I could get it in OR out

soo, the contact lens have been left in the container for more than a week
and I still don't dare to try it again.
Maybe tomo...

But anw, since the contact lens thingy didn't really work out.
I bought hair dye!!
Liese Hair dye which is really easy to use!
All you have to do is just massage into ur hair
Alright, maybe it's not that easy but at least easier than others

Ash brown =)
so I might be trying it tomo.

Please let me have the guts to do so.

I went out with A & Y to watch Edge of Darkness
and I was freaked out in the movie.
Actually, I've been freak out in all the recent movies I have watched
and I think I owe it to paranormal activity
Ever since watching that, my anxiety level has been going up.
damn this.

Lay down a new page

2010-02-03T22:33:00.000+11:00

Yay, I finally change my layout!
which one looks better?

xxxx says:

dream onnnnnn

if you're cute

Mish says:

...

xxxx says:

i must be Ken from barbie

Mish says:

ur a BEETCH

alright, what a joke.

So nothing much has been happening right now. Just been really really tired everyday for no good reasons.
Genting trip was pretty good except everyone was pretty much dead but I can't wait to post up pics when A sends them to me. Oh man, I love my friends. They make my every day seem so fun. I wish we have more time to go overseas for holiday. Let's pray and hope that australia trip will work out. I can't wait for cny to come and fortunately valentine falls on that day so great excuse not to be seen like a loner =P
Anw, my subjects in uni are approved but I still have second thoughts as to choosing psych as my breath becos it has 8 contact hours which IS REALLY LONG compared to my 3 commerce subject of 9 hours in all. Man, this is why picking science in uni is no diff from going to highschool 24/7.

I've been snackin so much esp in genting becos there're hell alot of junk like cuttlefish ~yum~
man life is quite unhealthy when you're overseas. oh on a more exciting note, I tried escargots and damn they were pretty yummy (onced you get over the thought that they are actually snails =/ )

off to dinner and fill my empty stomach =)

trippin' over

2010-01-29T22:23:00.000+11:00

WooooOooh!
I will be off to genting in aprox 3 hours time!
hopefully the 7 hour bus ride will be safe.

and finally, my friends and I are making a trip again
becos the last time we did...it was 2+ years ago =/

Anw, I have been shopping so much lately!
but it's kinda of bad
becos it means that my $$$ is down

I actually find it pretty annoying that uni doesn't have uniform =.=
I mean it's COOL
but man, the trouble of choosing ur outfit for the day just doesn't seem cool to me

anw, wish me a good trip
and that I make it home safely xDD

breathe the last

2010-01-23T02:22:00.000+11:00

yeaaaa yeahhhh,
my blog is officially dead
but I don't plan to revive it anytime soon

I guess the stupid laptop is partly to be blame
becos it takes me ages to do anything
and to make things better,
I forgot my camera cord so uploading any photos is impossible

unless....I get a new cam
which I have been talking for YEARs
but I'm more interested in the idea of a new laptop right now.

What I really want now is most probably is fresh new start.
and that's not going to happen unless I start searching for it.

I can practically blog anything
all my fears and joy.
but at times, reading my blog gives me this weird feeling
becos I don't really want to be reminded of my past posts.

So I'm actually thinking of deleting this blog and maybe get a new start?

Ahh, but I'm not the type that just shut something down either.

Just before I leave,
I wanna say that...

Legion is Awesome!
and Hai Pa Tian Xin is hilarious!

while we haven't fell that deep;

2010-01-10T22:23:00.001+11:00

It would never cross my mind that I could actually let go of everything just for that one moment.
Sometimes I asked
Is this really me?
Have I really changed?

Just when I thought that maybe this is a fresh start for me
To regain my strength and hope.

then everything starts to fall apart again.
and you start to realise what you've been doing
is nothing but to mask ur past.

so afterall, I'm not ready.
I'm not ready to re-commit myself to this world

I feel like I have really changed.
and I hate this 'me'
weak, naive and ignorant

and from today onwards,
I'm gonna start a new fresh
I should really stop being so blinded by my thoughts

and hopefully, I will be able to stay strong.

~~~~~~

On a lighter note, I have been really busy lately
I met up with quite alot of people
especially two friends from Au
Then, I also went to Korean BBQ and steamboat for C's b'dae
I must say we took a long way there

so anw, we discuss about going to genting over one of the weekends
and hopefully, it would come true =)

let's throw 2009 behind us for a better year ahead

2010-01-05T15:25:00.001+11:00

I haven't really had the time to blog about anything really.
I just been living life the way it is without much thoughts to my future
So now that I have time feeling abit lonely at home

I shall blog about my 2009!
and btw, I read my old post from dec 2008 to jan 2009
and I would like to think that I had hell alot of fun last year when I was in sg!
Where are all my friends damn it.

This year....

I survived VCE
I plan to study my arse off at the start of the year but obviously, my motivation level went down the drain and the only thing when VCE cross my mind was SCREW IT. But turns out vce was pretty alright even though not much effort was put in so I was one lucky bum. Unfortunately no one can be lucky twice so slogging in uni is a must.

I had an awesome group of friends from outside school
thanks to the relationship problems they were facing, our friendship grew as a group and bam, we're one happy family. Perhaps, it was a blessing in disguise.

I lost someone that I thought I would never lose.
I rmb saying I prob can't life without you. But I guess this just shows how much things can change yeah? Alot of things happened and sometimes it seems like I can't fully let it go. But it's just abit too late now.There're just a space inbetween and nothing can ever fill it up again, besides those painful memories.

I found Church
I felt that my spiritual life was renewed once again and I met alot of lovely people there whom I enjoy being with. Though church can be so long, Im glad I learn so much. I rmb going there the day after valentines and I believe so it was for a purpose.

I met you.
and I'm not even sure whether to say it's a blessing or a curse yet.

yet all in all, I m so blessed that my friends are always there for me.
I can be the most annoying and self-deluded girl sometimes but they always never fail to listen
and I thank them for always watching over me, making sure that I don't fall. And if I did, they will reach out for my hands and bring me back to my feet.
I love you peeps.

so my 2009 was pretty cool

what would you say about ur 2009?

When the sun rise for a better day

2010-01-05T02:07:00.000+11:00

I arrived safely on Sat
and I went straight to sing K with my cousins xD
There're quite alot of things going on with family events

but somehow, I'm missing Au
which I don't normally do when I m here.

Alot of things have been occupying my mind
and it sucks cos I really can't enjoy myself here.

I feel damn antisocial xD

I shall post up photos very soon
but my dear notebook is very very slow
and it takes forever to upload.

2010-01-01T09:25:00.001+11:00

I thought I found it
but it slips right through my fingers again.

Bleahz, we're all in this together

2009-12-31T00:04:00.003+11:00

Went to Mal + Mel's house just to hangout
played alot of random games
and my gosh, will I miss them when I'm gone =(

It's kinda of sad how everyone will go their seperate ways in uni
but I hope this friendship continue to stay strong
and we'll meet up alot next year

love u girls xoxo
miss jin =P

Went to C's place ytd and we made sushi
but it was terrible
and the thought of eating sushi terribly freaks me out now =(

Oh, and I watched Alvin and the chipmunk ytd!
with J and M =P
and we took sticker photos lol

Also watched Paranormal Activity at T's house.
It was sooooo scaryyy xD
I guess it's the thought that it is based on true story that really freaks me out the most.

and I actually had a heart attack when I was sleeping xD
my gosh

anw, I can't believe what **** said to me:

"The chances of finding a guy who's good looking, has nice shoulders, likes you in return, and has a lot of money, isn't clingy, doesn't put his arm around you, doesn't mind when you go out with a collection of your male friends... is considerably rare"

thanks much?

take a picture

2009-12-27T21:53:00.000+11:00

Pics from shoya.

Nate's dog
and it is called baby

This is the pink soccerball I was talking about =D

pretty???

Boxing Day

2009-12-26T20:42:00.001+11:00

I spend X'mas in Church ytd
and it was fun cos we had alot of performances.

Then went to T's house to play cards again.
it was loads of fun playing mafia n hamburger
and surprisingly, I did not have to take wasabi cos I didn't lose!

But anw, I do think my dad is serz when he said he's banning me from using the car.
becos I came home late.

oh well!

Anw, went to DFO essendon today
and Dotti had a massive sale
I went to chaddy last week and the skirts were from 30+
and today, it was like 9.95
0,o
how crazy right?

and I bought a pink soccerball
cos it was simply pretty xD

Anw, I shall take photos of my buys

and I really need to pack!
I'm leaving in a weeks time =(

Berry X'mas

2009-12-25T00:42:00.002+11:00

MERRY
X'MAS!
...
( '-' )
-( )-

my demantled and plain snowman =/

Wow, it's x'mas.
and it's the first time I'm spending x'mas in Australia.
and I realise it's nothing much actually.

But I went to aunt's place
and omosh, the food was fabulous.
lobster, prawns, turkey, lamb, etc etc

Anw, have a great day!

what was in your mind?

2009-12-24T01:40:00.000+11:00

Omosh, I must be the biggest idiot in the world
I copied the photos from camera and then I unplugged the cam.
and then I realise that I didn't paste the damn photos yet.

I had the coolest photo of nate's dog.
Went to P's house and invented the coolest game ever!
oh btw, I got my Ps 2 days ago
and I drove today alone

I have been coming home late
and my room is in a mess
so I moved to the guest room

and I have to pack tomo
and whilst at it, packed my luguage.

My flight has been moved from 9 jan to 2 jan.
I don't know whether it's a good thing...
cos I will be back for grand mum's b'dae and C's 21st
but I will miss out on M's bdae partay
and I will miss my friends here a hell lot.

but oh well, can't change much now anyway

I have been having rehearsals for x'mas play
and 10 seconds of the play comes from GEE =/

If you're free on x'mas day.
Come to Hosanna Church!
from 5 to 9pm
CYA THERE =)

Doo made me emo

2009-12-22T02:19:00.000+11:00

I guess it's soo right afterall

I'm a freaking selfish girl when it comes to relationship.
I can't make commitments and fully immersed myself in "love"
if that even exist in the first place.

I think I'm just scared.
Afraid to think what could happen and whether I'll be blinded from it.
or whether things would get out of control.

I don't like taking risks.
I can't afford to put myself in any position that could hurt others too
cos ultimately it would hurt me the most.

And it did.

Life is cruel afterall.

I don't have regrets in life.
but if I could rake up one now and tell you.
It would be missing someone I shouldn't have missed.

I wish I could figure out what do I exactly want
but I can't.
I'm stuck here without a clue.
and I think it still hinders me from moving on.

I don't believe in love

Someone please save me from falling again

2009-12-21T11:50:00.000+11:00

I hate to say this.
But I guess I still miss you.

It might be another phase in my life
that I still miss all the things that once happened

I managed to survive 2009
and 2010 shouldn't be a problem yeah?

It's not like I'm leaving all these with regrets
but I'm not planning to rake up the past
and find out what went wrong
or try to heal the wounds.

Things are better left undone.

We don't hurt those we love; but we did afterall

2009-12-19T00:32:00.000+11:00

If you knew it would end up to this day.
Will you still choose that path?

If you knew it would hurt
why did you have to break that trust?

Now, I feel like a walking shadow of my past

Maybe it's really unhealthy to keep reminiscing

Oh well, the past will soon be forgotten.

I really wanted to go to jin's today
and finally meet the girls =(
but I wasn't feeling well so I stayed home and slept through my afternoon.

Cutting the old jeans

2009-12-16T21:16:00.000+11:00

WOoohh, I felt like doing something today
soo I got an old jean out
and made it to a demin short =/

Then I used some remnant from the fabric to make a camera pouch!

Nice nice??
Although I know the workmanship is pretty crap xD

last words

2009-12-15T21:57:00.002+11:00

if I died today or tomorrow
I just want to tell you

I love you so

ohh vce

2009-12-15T00:00:00.000+11:00

I'm friggin tiredd.

Anw, VCE results are finally out today.
the whole nervous breakdown thingy was finally over
which is good.

But somehow, I actually didn't feel nervous that I couldn't sleep ytd night xD
I suppose I was kinda of over the whole commotion thing

I'm satisfied with my results
since I knew how much effort I put in =/
and hmmm the results does not reflected my effort at all.

but anyway, after all these
I can finally say again
That VCE is damn over-rated
and it doesn't really define you.
when uni comes, vce will be forgotten.

oh mann, I really need to upload photos from my camera
and actually take photos xDD

My blog is a boring crap =/

oh well, have never expected it to be any interesting anw!

when life is as good as a colouring book

2009-12-12T19:18:00.001+11:00

I think

Life is like a battlefield
you have to find something that's worth fighting for in order to stay alive
or else you're nothing more than a defeated soldier

sooo what exactly am I fighting for?

When I'm dying and I will be =.=
what do I want to be remembered for?

It's unbelievable how time passes so fast.
I remember coming to Au for year 7
and now my highschool life is over

How freaky yeah?

I wonder whether I will still stay in contact with my highschool friends
or my primary school mates
when I'm 30 or when I'm old and wrinkly

I wish I do.

I can't wait to see each of my friends getting married and have their own kids
how exciting!

I want to attend a wedding of someone close.
right now....
or an engagement party would be good too.

hunger strike

2009-12-11T12:22:00.000+11:00

I'm hungrrrryyyyy.
I'm craving for sushi!

I had a dream ytd about sushi actually
It was sooo yummy
and I actually can still remember what sushi they were

One of them was like sashimi on rice with a dash of mango on the top
and the other was like shredded seafood stick + tuna with tobiko

alright, I'm quite weird...

My goshh, result is up for uni math I tink?
should I check???
NARHHH...

Latte Art

2009-12-11T11:21:00.000+11:00

Woohoo,
I finally organise all inbox and deleted all the facebook spam =)

I feel very organised now.

Just something to share
which I thought was crazily awesome =)

when you know it's them who makes you smile

2009-12-09T20:56:00.000+11:00

A,M,P,S came over this morning
and we bake cookies
well...we burnt the first batch =/

then played red ace for a very long time
till we all almost felt asleep xD

Then went dinner to chinabar
and desert at pancake parlour =)

I love today
just hanging out with the girls
and chillin' out

Anw, I'm dead tired
and I might just go sleep now.

who would spare a thought for you?

2009-12-08T22:21:00.000+11:00

I feel so sick of the world.
I feel disgusted by it.

I really don't want to listen anymore
and I'm tired of being the one always having to pretend that I'm alright
I'm sick of being being pushed around
only there when you need;
and left aside when you're done.

I need to stop putting hopes on people
and rely solely on myself.

Why do I have to take all the nonsense
and think for others instead

What am I trying to achieve anyway?
To develop love? friendship?

Whatever.
Human are bound to only care for themselves anyway
besides, I'm really nothing to anyone.

Never would have spare a thought for me.

I wish I could figure out myself, sometimes

2009-12-07T23:20:00.000+11:00

Anw, I haven't been blogging the past few days because I haven't had the time
but now I do!
even though I'm quite tired

On friday, the girls came over and we practically just lie on my bed chatting for the afternoon
It was great catching up since we hadn't done it for a year =(

On Saturday, went to the city with A
and we took over 300 photos with E's awesome camera.

These are just a few:
(photoshopped by A)

My baby charcoal

I look like a mad woman
pole hugger =/

I shall upload more when A burn me a disc =)

Oh and yesterday, went to TAO's with friends
and then went to T's house and played mafia
Hilarious.
It's good when you have friends >20
who can drive around =/
it was really fun and in the end, came home close to 2+
after talking to S.
so I was dead tired
and it was weird cos I couldn't fall asleep straightaway and stayed up till 4+
and what was even weirder was
I woke up at 7am
then I just lie on my bed dozing on and off till 11 =x

hmmm, scary yeah?
something is wrong with me, seriously
this is my first time feeling like this.

Today, went with J & mj to hakka
and Wheee, I have ponyo now thanks to mj =)

I'm reachin for something I can't touch

2009-12-04T00:50:00.000+11:00

turns out that there're alot of things I can't do
alot of things beyond my control

What am I exactly holding on to survive?
Family? friends? Memories?
God?
yesh definitely.

It seems like I have been struggling the past few days
that have resulted in my anti-social behavior

I think I'm finding alot of false security.
and it seems so hard to differentiate them
money, fame, friends, etc

I feel so confused
and it's the same feeling again
I think I know what's right
but at the same time, the world is pushing me to the other end
which way do you go?
or is there a compromise?

Still haven't figure out much yet
but I'm much more relax these days too
I guess spending quality time alone makes me feel happy somehow

when life seems to overwhelm; look into urself

2009-12-02T00:44:00.000+11:00

Can you believe it

I started this drama in the morning

and I just finished it =)

Hahah, it's an old drama

and I never wanted to watch it

becos the cover looks really really bad

But, judging by it's front over is so wrong

cos it was a pretty good drama =)

and if you tink the main characters look gross, think again

tis is hot hot lee wan

and this is the main girl who looks really bad at the start.

Although exams are over,
I feel really stress but I don't know why
maybe I don't wanna think about anything
but things just keep clouding my mind

seems like when you finally thought you solve this problem
another problem arises
when would this ever stop?

So sick of it, really
but this time, it feels like I can't avoid it
or bury myself into my fantasy world.

-sigh-
I wish that I stop being so sensitive about the people around me
and look at the positive side instead
gosh, why can't my life be perfect?

am I being really ungrateful with what I have already?
maybe now that there's a slim chance that I can actually have what I want
that I become so greedy

but really, what do I want?
or maybe, what do I need?
cos that need would seem so much easier to accomplish

I want that can't-be-bothered feeling back, i tink
but at the same time, I don't wanna miss out on my chances.

one of those days...

2009-11-30T18:52:00.000+11:00

Arghh. my speakers are not working!!!
Just when I wanna watch Momo Love and Liar Game 2

This is annoying me very badly
and I mean very very.

Anw, I met up with A early in the morning to discuss about DC
it was productive and fun =)
hopefully, everything will sort out soon.

and I thought I lost my mobile phone
but it turns out that I left it at home
silly me.

Then I went to dandenongs with my family.
food was good =)

And now, I waiting vv patiently for S to come pick me up.
Wat a won-der-ful day?

understand me inside out, please

2009-11-30T00:38:00.000+11:00

I don't really get it why when the new came upon so abruptly
I actually didn't feel anything.
Maybe I was already prepared for such day.
or there're too many things going around in my life that I cbs thinking about you.

Oh well.
I'm glad I can finally move on.

Anwhoo, spend my night with J,K,L,S ytd
becos S promised to shout us dinner when we're done with VCE
ate at sakura house in Knox
was pretty good, I reckon
then hang at K's house to play cards.
we can be sooooo fun sometimes.

It's kinda of funny how they're seniors from glenny
and I only know them recently
the world is weird.
but they're cool, somewhat

and tomo morning shall be a productive morning, hopefully
I want to involve in something creative =)

Where are you?
I miss you and I want you.
though I don't know who you are, yet.

you know me better than no one else

2009-11-28T02:05:00.000+11:00

Just this time, I will not avoid the problem
It's amazing.
Thanks for your courage and love

I love you like mad

spagetti tornados n flying meatballs

2009-11-27T23:26:00.000+11:00

Alright, I woke up at 4.30am today
to watch the sunrise with J
and he said he will ring me at 4.45am
but in the end, I had to ring him becos he couldn't wake up
wonderful ain't it?
Hahah, but it was soo cloudy you couldn't see the sun =.=

and then we watched Cloudy with a Chance of Meatball
Omoshh, sooooo freaking good man!
Love that movie
Hilarious cartoon

Anw, a joyful day passed once again
but I need to catch up on my sleep
like seriously.
I tink I only slept 5 hours ytd nite.

1st year anniversary; there's no taboo when you're single.

2009-11-26T16:01:00.000+11:00

Yep, back from WP!

and I shall post up some photos =)

Anw, the special day I was talking about is

I have been single for a year!

WOoohh! good celebration uh huh!

Alright, just think that I'm weird then
but I thought it was wonderful

becos people who usually break up
find another partner
either becos they're too used to the idea of relying someone
and feeling attached
or it might be a rebounce

that's my thoughts anyway
and you don't have to agree.

It does feel good being single actually.
The start is abit hard becos I was getting used to being taken care of
but then, being single means that
you don't have to be accountable for your actions
you don't have to worry about how the other person feels
you don't need to meet expectations
you are able to spend time alone without having to stress about what's the other person doing
and most importantly, your heart is free from chance of being hurt
but every r/nship is bound to give pain anw.

there's no taboo when you're single.

I don't think I will ever been ready to commit anw
I don't like that feeling of being attached
and the whole world deems you as just one couple
I like people to see me as who I am
I like my freedom, afterall.

or maybe cos I haven't found the right one yet yeah?
hahah, when would you ever know that's him tho

In my heart, your presence is always felt

2009-11-25T11:40:00.000+11:00

I miss those days

where you just sit beside your bed

and watch the droplets of rain trinkle down the window

so many thoughts go through your mind

but none of them too hurtful to replay

It's simply peace

that inexplicable feeling

it's soo amazing, and indescribable

I wish somedays

I will be able to do that again

Where no one bothers me

Where I'm alone

yet don't feel lonely

becus afterall, you're always with me.

I wish this is what I see every morning outside my window =)

TOMO IS A SPECIAL DAY