It's just a nightmare

I just woke up from a very deep sleep
and I am feeling really lethargic...

I really want to just jot down on how I feel right now
I feel like a loser xD
yes, many would agree...
but It's more than that
I feel like a fool
I feel stupid for even trying

I really believed I could let everything go
and start a new fresh
but unfortunately, no
It still haunts me

I serz don't need you to tell me what a bad person I am
or perhaps, reminding me what crap I have done in the past 1 year
I not the kind of "standby" person
to wait for you when you want me..
or when your free enough to care...
What kind of friendship is that in the first place?

And stop pretending that you treasure the friendship
or pretend to really look like you care about me
because I know you don't
Everything genuine seem so fake...

Ahh, watever..
and I'm not that stupid now
to answer the calls or read the emails
telling me what a crap person I am...