Not much X'mas mood!
no x'mas trees, no presents in the sock, no santa claus!
don't u wish that we went back in time and live on that fairytale?
I think my parents think I grew old of the whole santa claus thing
but played monopoly deal the whole night with friends
even when the clock stuck midnight, everyone was too engrossed in winning
we dismiss the whole "merry x'mas" thing
can't wait for NY though.
It means NEW YEAR!
and that means NEW RESOLUTIONS! :P
soo it's been a month and I'm utterly confused than ever.
I wonder why I don't every blog anymore.
I guess it's becos I either don't want my feelings to leaked out
or simply, I don't get How I feel!
I've been in singapore for 5 days
and it's been going okay though I really wanna return back to australia
but I guess it will be a good break for me.
away from everything
so my thoughts will be clearer :)
btw, I finally have internet today! been surving without it.
and amazing it was okay.
until I feel like I totally disconnected from the world; and then I started to worry.
I had a 5 hour nap just then and now I'm sooo stuffed!!
I woke up at 10pm :X and it's only midnight now!
x'mas is coming soon! even though I don't feel any festive mood :/
can't wait for new year though!
a new life awaits...hopefully
and I wanna start blogging again.
even though I say that all the time.
maybe I shld get a new fresh blog and start afresh?
this song is such an encouragement to me
and the timing couldn't have been more perfect :)
I, sometimes, wonder if I have spilt personality or smth along this line.
One moment, I tell myself that I'm able to accept this.
Afterall, any form of ending leads to a new beginning right?
Letting it go and filling with a joyful heart to face whatever that may come next.
And I know and believe that everything happens for a purpose.
My mission is completed and now it's the time to leave.
But other times, I wake up in the morning and feel like everything is such a dream
From the point of unification to separation.
Can this be real?
Feels like for the past few months,
I've been living a lie.
Since when did I become so immersed and blinded
that I failed to see beyond the lies?
Was I the only one who poured out everything?
I feel like a little doll being played around with.
Gosh mish, since when have you become so dumbed?
Ahh whatever, I can get through this.
It's only a matter of changed hearts and time.
I never thought of myself as someone strong.
but neither did I think I was weak.
and now, it just prove me that I, myself, have fallen.
vulnerability is the only word that comes into my mind.
I've given more than I thought I could ever give.
and now, perhaps not so much regrets.
but rather I am disappointed in myself.
my stupidity has caused me much more to bear than I could imagine.
Anw, I believe I need a break from the world.
a break to see what they really mean to me.
and my position in their lives.
a break to allow my restoration and refocus on what's important.
Currently at monash lib with no intention of studying.
Had a cup of butterscotch latte and my goodness,
the syrup is so full-on, i feel like i m going to have diabetes
and now i m pretty high on my sugar :)
Having a cup of coffee in my hand and reminiscing on the old high school days with J
Hilarious stuff; got to know the real reason why she first hang with me.
the first sleepover, the most embarassing stuff, etc,etc.
literally laughing so hard; my tummy hurts
As we grow older, finding happiness seems to get a bit harder and difficult.
don't you miss those days when you can drop dead laughing at smth that seems so trivial now?
those sincere and innocent smile that can lift up one's spirit.
How i wish we can turn the clock backwards and pause the moment.
Will we be able to survive what adulthood brings to us?
Responsibilities, reality, morality, financial issues seem to be a bombardment of our lives.
Where have those days gone when these issues never even cross our minds?
don't lose heart though; our grandparents and parents gone through it and survive.
But to me, it's not a matter of survival.
It's a matter of living life to its fullest.
I don't wanna live life for the sake of "living"
I wanna be here right now becos I have a purpose to fulfill.
At the end of the days,
I wanna say, "I have know Him, I have love Him, I have obey Him"
went to A Night With The Stars charity concert ytd night
and it was sooo cool.
man, I wish I was somehow somewhat be as talented like them
dancing, singing, and simply looking good :)
I know my blog is pretty much an emo blog!
but to be honest, i m not as emo as I sound to be.
alright, i bet you still don't believe me anyway.
love the lyric to death. and I mean it
did I mention that I shopped at Forever21!
becos USA is almost at par with AUS
hopefully my parcel will arrive soon :)
I'm currently sitting on my bed in the dark
typing on my lappy.
I know.
it sounds very much emo.
but whatever.
I've been experiencing some weird stuff lately.
things that I was always hoping for it to happen
yet now when it's time to decide,
it feels like I wish this time would never come.
2 ways to go from here now,
maybe i can prolong the time before the decision time is up.
yet, I will still have to choose ultimately.
do I really have to burn the bridge?
so that I will have no way of turning back to you?
you know I would stay if I could.
I would walk with you till the end if life enables me
but life has brought me something bigger.
something that I cannot miss.
sometimes, I cannot bear to see you for another seconds
yet other times, I wouldn't let go of your hands.
I wish my heart will stop its contradiction with my thoughts.
I have other places to go.
yet because we're here tgt,
I can't turn my back on you.
becos that feeling of missing you everyday,
of not being able to hear your voice
and knowing you're still here behind.
still to tied a knot around my heart
refuses to let me go.
I miss the old me again.
yet I have changed to someone else whom I bearly recognised.
someone else so that I could fit perfectly for you.
so that you will be happy with me
but I really don't know if this is me anymore.
I'm not the kind who says goodbyes
so would you please be the first to count to 3
and turn away?
never looking back again?
I'm really grateful for you
although you may never know this.
becos we seem to be living our own seperate ways already.
and Idk what's happening in your life either.
Yet, everytime I find myself lost in my situations.
It does feel like you're here with me.
It feels like you're always supporting me
even no matter how hard our past might be.
and I guess all I really wanna say is
Thank you.
Idk what spell you have put on me to feel this way.
and perhaps you might not even know that you have such strong impact on me.
but I appreciate the things you done.
Maybe our path will never cross eachothers' again
but know this, I'm glad we met
glad you left a footprint in my heart.
and I hope that the direction you're moving in now
will give you happiness you deserve.
but I do hope that one day,
we will meet face to face,
and there will be no more silence in between.
