Fear of what it would turn me into

I had lunch with dad today
and it was good
apart from the fact that I dropped my phone on to the gravel road
sooo yay...It's not working now
and I can't transfer my card to another mobile
because stupid 3 locked it

so now, I'm officially phoneless...
to think that this day will ever come,
seeing that I have 2 unused phone on my bedside table
and my other phone with my aunty

For some reason though, I don't feel like going all the way to fix it
maybe I'm starting to like the idea
that I cannot be contacted...

Somehow, I felt really tired today for no particular reason
and in the end, I had a 3 hour nap
which didn't really energise me as much as I though it would...

I'm actually starting to feel the pressure
I don't feel a single bit ready for my english and french sac this week
neither am I prepared for spesh n chem next week

but I guess it would be a relief for me
After these 4 Sacs, I'm done with it for school
and be expecting in fear for the exams

that would, perhaps to a certain extent, determine my future.
which I seriously have no clue about.

My future seems so vague to me
I haven't thought about the courses I want to go into
Neither have I considered what I really like.

I don't noe.
Maybe I don't have a special fondness for something
Maybe I just haven't found it yet.

Alot of people think that changing courses in uni or not deciding what they want to be
is a form of weakness and simply a waste of time

I used to think that way to.
Until I realised it for myself, that it could be so difficult to decide on something
that would change the course of your life so easily
that sometimes, we become so hesitant.

All in all, I guess I am hesitant not because of the nature of the choices I have
but because I fear what the choices would turn me into.