I need to find my way back...

Yay, My comment box is finally working!!
THANKs to MJ =)
who send me my htmlcode in a file called "Mj is pro"
Yesssh, I can't deny that....

Anw, I got songs on my blog too!
Wahah, I like enhancing this lil space of mine

I keep talking about how much I hate school
how much I want everything to end
but now, I'm absolute freaked out

I turned 18
just when I think that I am able to change my life
and have a turning point

nothing changes...

Would this be the same for when I finished VCE?

CRAPPPPP, I NEED TO PREPARE MY FRENCH SACCC!

Drop dead gorgeous chick defines the word "inferiority" for others

Mish is a happy freak cos' she found out the magic trick =OOOO

Whoooo!!! now, all she gotta do is LEARN IT =.=

Anw, Pho's P party was a blast ytd
cos she look frking hot
*jeolousy is overwhelming me*


Muahha, and the magic trick =OO
was nuts..

Forgot my camera ytd becos I was rushing to the movies with my parents
"The taking of Pelham 123"
been waiting for it for more than a month
and wow, it's the first time in Au I watched a movie with my parents =x

Omoshhhh, I spent like 2 hours on the computer to change the layout
BUT, I still can't get the comment thing to work =.=
I NEED HELP, desperately

but anw, what do you think of this new simply layout?

A makeover to mask those hideous scars from the past

What a long day today
Went out with parents for lunch at ChinaBar...
I love the greentea smoothy =]
Went to the glen to see my fave cardigan again
but unfortunately, it was not meant to be mine =(

Then, went to Strike and play pooool
and I can't believe we lose....
then maccas xD
WheeeEeee...
Im tired,really

I have decided that I'm taking a break from the world
and start figuring out what I wanna do in the future
and I wanna new fresh look on my blog

HENCE, I m gonna stay away for at least 3 days...
Soooo, BYEEEEE MISHHHH
CYAAA SOONNN
yesh, everyone say that to me pls

Your eyes; reflection of your past

Ugh. my parents are thinking of returning back to Sg early
for hmm 2 months?
and I'm having this fickle feeling...
I mean, I LOVE SG
but like what am I suppose to do there yeah?

My friends there are probably going to be really really busy
and I probably have to find something to entertain myself...
but what else could I do in Sg?

Hmmm, I wanna take this dec break as a way to increase my knowledge for the real world
I wanna to learn new skills or find a job for my future holidays =) muahahh!
Sooo yeah...should I go back to SG early??


I was onced hurt
and I still carry that hurtful feeling
yet, aren't we all suppose to live on with it?
and perhaps, as we continue with our life
one by one, that burden is dragged down by the hustle and bustle of our life
and new ones arises...

That's the cycle of life
unfortunately or fortunately?

Can't wait for a new fresh start of life...
Can't wait for those ancient burdens to fade away
Yet, fearful of the future ones I have to face
Regardless though, each baggage I carried is the strength
for me to follow on the path that has been set for me...

Fated to love you; but perhaps not fated to be together

Yay, I finished 40 hour famine this morning!!
So I ate as much as I could and talk as much as I could...

I feel so much more relieved
that I am able to face certain things that I never thought I would
with love and confident =)

For the weekend,
I have simply been watching drama all day =)

Thanks to Annie and my cousin who rang me from SG to recommend it...
But anw, I LOVE it!
It's really sad but nice at the same time!


Don't you wish you're main character in those love dramas?
Hmmm, wonder if I ever said this b4 but I always wanted a love story
those really heart rending ones
that could touch anyone who hears that story...

I don't want the whole boring process
where you see each other and "fall in love"
then, get married...
have a child...
have grandchild...
The End

Perhaps, a story where you can never be with the one you love the most...
Sound like a good plot..
realistic endings...

Forgotten, because you don't have a voice

I never knew how difficult it was to not speak verbally...
It has only been like 6 hours and I'm feeling sooo annoyed
I feel like screaming my head off; but I can't =.=
It's the feeling of being trapped and suppressed, I suppose

It made me think how often I viewed people who are different
who has disabilities or financial challenges
How I feel so confused? or hesistant whether to look at them?
or simply ignore them in order to make them feel normal?
I don't know....
but I want to know how they feel

People often take communication for granted
They automatically think that speaking is smth you simply DO
yes it is for most of us...
but for others...it's not neccessary the easiest thing for them
Imagine trying ur hardest to say something
but nothing simply comes out
No one understands you
No one is able to empathize with you
You're simply left behind...
Forgotten, because you don't have a voice

Yet, it's not simply you're mute or anything
but it's the fact that sometimes you're simply ripped from your rights
People who don't live in democratic society like us
doesn't have a say at all
They are being oppressed by high authority
And they don't have a voice to stand up for themselves
nothing is all they have...

Or perhaps, let's look at a smaller scale
You're being isolated by your friends or classmates
and you wanna share your ideas and tell them what you've been doing on the weekends
but nooo,
You're not to be heard

That's feeling is inexplicable

Our world ain't perfect
There're people suffering everyday
And yet here we are, so lucky and blissful to even have an internet to read this pointless blog
When others need to work hard labour with no time to spare...

I feel as if my world has been flipped upside down
inside out
I don't know what has happened lately
It's the people around me whom I'm vv worried
Yet, as a friend..
I feel useless
becos there's really nothing I can offer
nothing I can do to uplift them and stop the things they're doing

I wish I had some power and control over certain things
but unfortunately, I don't...
Sometimes, I don't even have that power to control myself
so how can I even possess that strength to help others?


Man, I seriously don't know w-t-h I writing
I can't think much now
I am food-deprived and definitely SLEEP-deprived...

Losing my voice just so you won't know I'm right here all the while...

Jus came back from Jinali's b'dae =)
didn't bring my cam so unfortunately no photos!
omosh, i have to post up photos from lizzie's last week!!
anw, can't seem to find my camera...
so that's gayy....
If you don't know why I am simply blabbering on
blah blah blahh...

It's becos I feel lonely....
yes, lonely
40 hours of famine
no eating and no talking
It actually only has been 1 hour
but I feel like it has been for yearsss!!
Wow, never knew how hard it was to not speak, really...

Anw, I'm off to watch some dramas
to make me happy and keep me distracted
esp from my dad who keeps pestering me to speak....

Whatever it takes to erase it all;

Have you ever make a decision in your life
that you're sooo sure about it?
so sure that you would not regret it?

I probably had...
but perhaps not 100%
because I'm fickle...
and every time I decide on something...
There's always that voice at the back of my head
that bugs me and makes me hesitate

but whatever it is, I've learnt to never look back
Regardless of whether that decision at the point of time
is irrational or rational...
you've already made that decision
So stick with it! yea?

There's no point in turning back right?
Whatever that has cause you to make that particular decision
is obviously for a reason....

Anw, took that quiz that everyone seems to be taking on FB!
I reckon it's pretty accurate!


Your view on yourself: You are intelligent, honest and sweet. (wow, I absolutely LOVE myself) You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love. IDK XD

Your views on education: You may not like to study (hell yeah!)but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.


I don't ever wanna say hi to you,
knowing that it would simply end up with a "goodbye"
I'm keeping that distance...

overwhelmed by stresssss

Yeshh, I almost died...
for the past few days, I've been studying for my spesh sac
useless though, cos the topic I studied for DID not come out
and the calc dieddddd!!
very annoyingggg...
In fact, I think it made me worst
due to the accumulated stress...
but wateva...

Btw, did I mention that my aunty, cousin and her friend arrived on Sat?
Can't really joined them much because of schooool
After the Sac, went to aunty's place and just came back
I feel soooo sleepy right now...

VERY SLEEPYYYY
aimless post to fill in the space xD

and yes AL, I got loads to talk to you about!
you're the expert in the fields =PPPP

relationships just ain't my cup of tea...

Alrite, the title is abit mis-leading...
I mean who doesn't want to have someone to love
someone to care or someone to talk to every night on the phone?
someone whom you know will be there for you regardless,
and a motivation for you to get up of bed every morning
and remember that he/she's waiting for you

Yeaayeaaa, there's a whole lot of loveyduffy things down my list

But when you think about it carefully,
Relationship don't last, especially when you're in highschool?
There might be that 0.01% who are highschool's sweethearts
but hey, what are the chances anyway?

Man, I swear I'm not trying to break anyone's dream here
I'm just talking about my own sad life xD
soo don't kill me

How can one be so guarantee that he/she's THE ONE?
when you haven't even step out into the world
and meet new people in ur jobs,uni, etc etc
Sometimes, I really admired people who are in relationships
So immersed into love that they become oblivious to their surroundings

I guess love really do make you blind
but what exactly is love anyway?

That part really confuses me
Have I ever been in love?
I'm not sure whether that "fondness" has gone beyond the state of love
or perhaps, when everything dies now
that onced so called romance...
is nothing but a faded memory that continues to daunt upon your life subconsciously..
Maybe we wouldn't even want to admit it was love becos it turned into something else
like friendship or hatred?
Who knows really?
Self-denial is way stronger than the truth...

But I'm sure I had many unsuccessful crushes on ppl before
But I guess till date, there is only one that was etched into my memory
That feeling of wanting, yet knowing it's not meant to be
really agonises the fact that there was onced a chemistry
but fate is a weird thing anyway

The faster you accept it, the easier you will get over it
because apart from the fact that relationship do make you upset
it strengthens you too
for the future at least...

Coraline, come stay with us

Jinali and I sneaked out to watch Coraline!
3-D glasses were pretty cool
but I got abit dizzy during the movie xD

Anw, all I can say is that the movie is
Twisted

Now, I am ready to watch my second movie!! WheeeEeeEEeEEE....

Each morning, I rmb that you're still here with me

Guess which one is mine?
The better looking one, obviously

Nearly half the term is over
and there're only a few more months before highschool ends
VTAC is opened...but I actually still got no idea what I want to do in the future

For the past few years, I was pretty sure I wanted to be a strong career woman
but now, I simply lost that motivation
or perhaps, I found some other goals (which is of course not evident to me yet)
Sigh, life's sooo funny sometimes
what do I exactly wanna be??

I do wonder what people sees me as
Do they think I'm superficial or shallow?
a selfish stupid bimbo? rofl
I really don't know actually...

I would like to think myself as cheery? easy-going?
a person with principles and character?
Wow, I'm soo confuse now
have you ever been confused with your identity?

I want to be like Romulus, I suppose
Someone with strong character and a genuine humanity...


You know what's the best thing about growing up?
Is that people stop being soo childish and petty
They stop giving you crap
I rmb last time, if you went out with a friend without calling the other one to come
simply ~bitchfights~
but now, no one gives a darn really...

Friends are wonderful creatures, really
I'm sure everyone needs friends
and the importance of friendship cannot be denied

Hahah, anw C n F got this mini book for about friends
and it says

To make a friend, you have to shut one eye
To keep a friend, you have to shut both!

True that though....

I really believe that to make a friend,
you have to ask yourself whether you are worth being a friend to?
I love friends;
everyday, they're the ones who uphold me
strengthen me
and make me smile to each new day

I made new friends this year; but I lost some at the same time
Regardless though, I always rmb that friends have different reasons to stay or leave
Sooo, whatever happens...
don't look back

because a new future awaits in the midst of your confusion and heartbreaks

surprise awaits at my doorsteps...

I walked home today like I always do xD
and I found a package on my doorstep!!
Actually, at the start, I thought it was some kind of bomb
or maybe a finger? I dunno what I was thinking
but obviously, I have been watching too many dramas recently

Anw, surprise surprise!!
package was from nuffnang =)
which I was soo not expecting at all...

Everything in the package!

and even better, Coles and Myer $10 gift card =O
Uh huh!

Oh now, I have two giftcards (one from my b'dae!) which amounts to $60!
and yes, they do make a good gift

Wat a surprise!
It's the first in a while since I received a package with goodies in them

It's that new fresh look that makes me attracted to you

Wow, nuffnang has a new layout!
It looks really good!
way better than the old boring one xD
I like new things...

yummyyyyyyy wasabi salmon sushi CHIPS

I see this potato chip in HK dramas such as off peddar
so I decided to try it when I spot it today =)
pretty good!
but I think I expected too much from it!

Anw, I finally watch Transformer 1!!!
Now, I can actually say that Transformer 2 is way way better

Just wanna be with you; for now and ever

Hahah, I got really bored
so I was exploring photoshop x.X
Yes, very random...
it will be there until I find something

I really want to change my own layout
even the backgrounds and stuff but I got no idea how =X

I thought this song was pretty cool and weird
seeing that it's Wilber Pan's song Feat. Akon
was actually vv surprising for me...




OMOSH, there're soo many good movies that I wanna watch!!! =)
Public Enemies, Coraline, The Ugly Truth, and My Sister's Keeper

Pictures of you are fading away; non-existent in my heart one day

stuffed up some ques in chem sac =(
and this time, I actually studied HARD the day before x.X

I haven't been putting photos up lately
becos I seriously cbs uploading them from my cam
Therefore, I stole them from FB

Actually, the day before the party (last friday)
I went to cut my hair
and the hairdresser changed my parting from the right to the left
It felt sooooo weird
even until today....
but no one could really tell any difference...

I hate it when I...

I hate it when I don't have to guts to do anything
Yes, I get intimidated all the time...
Sometimes, I simply want to say or do something
but I get freak out
I despise myself sometimes; if I had done something earlier
then things would have been different yeah?

I hate it when I avoid facing the truth and end up neglecting others
Man, I'm sooo self-centred sometimes I feel like hitting myself
I know what's happening and I just stuck right there
letting my mind float somewhere else
End up, I start hurting people around me
soooo annoying yeah?

I hate it when I become self-denial and starts dwelling in my own "sorrows"
I try telling myself that I'm going forget about it and move on
but the past keeps haunting me and the present keeps reminding me
I start lying to myself thinking that I'm living in lala-land
but in the end, it hurts even more when reality starts to kick in

I hate it when I habour thoughts that shouldn't exist
I hate it when I keep falling in the same hole

I'm off first, hunger is kicking in...

It's these people that annoys me...

1. I hate it when people question me non-stop

If I try to avoid the question, then get the message
darn straight...I do not want to answer you, isit so hard to understand?
I hate it when I answer the question and you still keep repeating it
If my answer does not satisfy you,
well get over it becos I don't care? or Ask someone else!
Why should my answer always make you satisfied?
I got other better things to do to satisfy Myself
yes, I'm vv self-centred...
self-indulgent is the way

2. I hate it when people do not trust me

Alright, I may not be the most trustworthy person in the world
but when I say it in a serious tone, I mean it
When people don't trust me after I say it like millions time in a serious tone and expression
it simply annoys me;
not becos I'm annoyed at them
but because I'm annoyed at myself for even bothering to try and make them believe me
What's the point if there're no trust?

3. I hate it when people can't take no for an answer

Certain things just don't go your way alright?
There're no point asking and weeping until you get a yes
becos ultimately everyone will end up unhappy...
Just accept the fact that there're other people in this world
who have their own way that they wanna go
so just leave them alone

4. I hate it when people pester me and refuse to give me my space

I'm a free-ranger, thus explains why I'm still single
I like my freedom and my space
If I like clingy people, I would cling on to them alright
but I don't!!
Even bestf and I have our own time away from each other
This is my life and I think I'm perfectly fine with living it alone
I want my own time to do my stuff!!!


5. I hate it when I'm made to be answerable to people

I believe that everything I do on my own; I don't need to be answerable to you
I do what I like and I don't think I need any approval
It's my own life and I only need to be answerable to myself
If you care so much, maybe you should start caring about your ignorance


Wow, I made it to 5 points although there're still alot on my list xD
Anw, got english sac to study for

stay tuned...

I haven't got into the mood of blogging...
There're so many things I wanna blog about...

Today, recieved mid-year results
ppl were either happy or depress
hmmm, surprising yeah?
how 1 darn letter affects your day
and makes you think that it actually has a massive impact on ur future...

I was simply stressing the whole weekend about the party thing
hate hosting party...
but the turn-out was pretty good =)
at least there weren't any gatecrashers, neighbours' complaining,
and most importantly, no one actually got drunk drunk....
and yes, the space problem was actually a problem...
everyone had to scattered around xD

btw, I slept at 7.30pm last night
and woke up at 7am
I love sleeping

"things I hate" will soon be revealed
Stay tuned =.=