happybirthday Jesus!

hohoho merry x'mas

Not much X'mas mood!
no x'mas trees, no presents in the sock, no santa claus!
don't u wish that we went back in time and live on that fairytale?
I think my parents think I grew old of the whole santa claus thing

but played monopoly deal the whole night with friends
even when the clock stuck midnight, everyone was too engrossed in winning
we dismiss the whole "merry x'mas" thing 

can't wait for NY though.
It means NEW YEAR!
and that means NEW RESOLUTIONS! :P

night peeps!

Build a bridge and get over it?

easy said.

soo it's been a month and I'm utterly confused than ever.
I wonder why I don't every blog anymore.
I guess it's becos I either don't want my feelings to leaked out
or simply, I don't get How I feel!

I've been in singapore for 5 days
and it's been going okay though I really wanna return back to australia
but I guess it will be a good break for me.
away from everything

so my thoughts will be clearer :)

btw, I finally have internet today! been surving without it.
and amazing it was okay.
until I feel like I totally disconnected from the world; and then I started to worry.

I had a 5 hour nap just then and now I'm sooo stuffed!!
I woke up at 10pm :X and it's only midnight now!

x'mas is coming soon! even though I don't feel any festive mood :/
can't wait for new year though!
a new life awaits...hopefully

and I wanna start blogging again.
even though I say that all the time.
maybe I shld get a new fresh blog and start afresh?

falling in as quickly as falling out

this song is such an encouragement to me
and the timing couldn't have been more perfect :)

I, sometimes, wonder if I have spilt personality or smth along this line.
One moment, I tell myself that I'm able to accept this.
Afterall, any form of ending leads to a new beginning right?
Letting it go and filling with a joyful heart to face whatever that may come next.
And I know and believe that everything happens for a purpose.
My mission is completed and now it's the time to leave.

But other times, I wake up in the morning and feel like everything is such a dream
From the point of unification to separation.
Can this be real?

Feels like for the past few months,
I've been living a lie.
Since when did I become so immersed and blinded
that I failed to see beyond the lies?
Was I the only one who poured out everything?

I feel like a little doll being played around with.
Gosh mish, since when have you become so dumbed?

Ahh whatever, I can get through this.
It's only a matter of changed hearts and time.

But it's really all over now.

life's like that

It's amazing what I experience in church few days ago.
something that words cannot simply express

I feel soooo refreshed
so postive for once.

hopefully this feeling will last forever
cos there's nothing else that I would ever want.

my exams officially start in a couple of hours time.
and you know what's funny.
I'm SOO NOT READY
but then again, who can ever be ready for an exam?

can't wait for everything to finish.
so I can focus on doing things that make me happy :)

express.

thank you my beloved friends for your concerns :)
im perfectly fine to be honest!

man, i miss high school so much.
miss the days where I can just be so carefree!
chatting at lunch,

laughing all the time,
going crazyyyy,

I wish I could turn the clock backwards
I feel like since uni started I haven't spend much time with my highschool mates :(

hopefully, friendship will be everlasting
even if we don't see each other for a while.

OMOSH can't wait for exams to finish!!
and see my beloved friends again <3

bye world.

I never thought of myself as someone strong.
but neither did I think I was weak.
and now, it just prove me that I, myself, have fallen.
vulnerability is the only word that comes into my mind.

I've given more than I thought I could ever give.
and now, perhaps not so much regrets.
but rather I am disappointed in myself.
my stupidity has caused me much more to bear than I could imagine.

Anw, I believe I need a break from the world.
a break to see what they really mean to me.
and my position in their lives.
a break to allow my restoration and refocus on what's important.

goodbye world.

missing my innocences

Currently at monash lib with no intention of studying.
Had a cup of butterscotch latte and my goodness,
the syrup is so full-on, i feel like i m going to have diabetes
and now i m pretty high on my sugar :)

Having a cup of coffee in my hand and reminiscing on the old high school days with J
Hilarious stuff; got to know the real reason why she first hang with me.
the first sleepover, the most embarassing stuff, etc,etc.
literally laughing so hard; my tummy hurts

As we grow older, finding happiness seems to get a bit harder and difficult.
don't you miss those days when you can drop dead laughing at smth that seems so trivial now?

those sincere and innocent smile that can lift up one's spirit.
How i wish we can turn the clock backwards and pause the moment.

Will we be able to survive what adulthood brings to us?
Responsibilities, reality, morality, financial issues seem to be a bombardment of our lives.
Where have those days gone when these issues never even cross our minds?
don't lose heart though; our grandparents and parents gone through it and survive.

But to me, it's not a matter of survival.
It's a matter of living life to its fullest.
I don't wanna live life for the sake of "living"
I wanna be here right now becos I have a purpose to fulfill.

At the end of the days,
I wanna say, "I have know Him, I have love Him, I have obey Him"

rockin' my world

went to A Night With The Stars charity concert ytd night
and it was sooo cool.
man, I wish I was somehow somewhat be as talented like them
dancing, singing, and simply looking good :)

I know my blog is pretty much an emo blog!

but to be honest, i m not as emo as I sound to be.

alright, i bet you still don't believe me anyway.

love the lyric to death. and I mean it

did I mention that I shopped at Forever21!
becos USA is almost at par with AUS
hopefully my parcel will arrive soon :)

http://www.polaroid.com/en/stream

http://www.zink.com/buy-ZINK

I want a polaroid!

Drowning in my own world

I'm currently sitting on my bed in the dark
typing on my lappy.

I know.
it sounds very much emo.
but whatever.

I've been experiencing some weird stuff lately.
things that I was always hoping for it to happen
yet now when it's time to decide,
it feels like I wish this time would never come.

2 ways to go from here now,
maybe i can prolong the time before the decision time is up.
yet, I will still have to choose ultimately.

do I really have to burn the bridge?
so that I will have no way of turning back to you?
you know I would stay if I could.
I would walk with you till the end if life enables me

but life has brought me something bigger.
something that I cannot miss.

sometimes, I cannot bear to see you for another seconds
yet other times, I wouldn't let go of your hands.
I wish my heart will stop its contradiction with my thoughts.

I have other places to go.
yet because we're here tgt,
I can't turn my back on you.
becos that feeling of missing you everyday,
of not being able to hear your voice
and knowing you're still here behind.
still to tied a knot around my heart
refuses to let me go.

I miss the old me again.
yet I have changed to someone else whom I bearly recognised.
someone else so that I could fit perfectly for you.

so that you will be happy with me
but I really don't know if this is me anymore.

I'm not the kind who says goodbyes

so would you please be the first to count to 3
and turn away?
never looking back again?

don'tplaythatmusic; cositonlybringsmemories

I slept at 7am today just to finish my assignment off :/
but i m soo glad it's done!
no more assignment for the rest of the year!

I've been spending my time listening to music on youtube.
finding unknown singers with lyrics that's really meaningful.
what a day!

You say that every man is lookin' for just one thing

You say they love you but they really don't know what it means

So tell me how is this supposed to end

Cause I got this empty space inside of me where I let you in

I can't hear the sound of it beating

Its so hard breathing

I need to believe in love

So tell me how is this supposed to end

With one heart missing

so why do i feel like i'm livin' a lie

something in your eyes

is tellin' me to stop and think twice

and i just can't decide

so don't say you love me unless you mean it

'cause i might do something stupid

like believe it, like believe it

i might do something stupid

like believe it, like believe it

things difference now

doing what i can to change your mind

i apologized a thousand times

but it won't work, it won't work

cos baby now it just feels like i'm burning underwater

this pain ain't making us stronger

so as you're walking out the door

i'm screaming out don't go

if you love me baby you just won't go

i'll make it all better if you stay

so baby don't go

it feels like i'm dying

baby please i'm down on my knees

cherish.

I'm really grateful for you
although you may never know this.
becos we seem to be living our own seperate ways already.
and Idk what's happening in your life either.

Yet, everytime I find myself lost in my situations.
It does feel like you're here with me.
It feels like you're always supporting me
even no matter how hard our past might be.

and I guess all I really wanna say is
Thank you.
Idk what spell you have put on me to feel this way.
and perhaps you might not even know that you have such strong impact on me.
but I appreciate the things you done.

Maybe our path will never cross eachothers' again
but know this, I'm glad we met
glad you left a footprint in my heart.
and I hope that the direction you're moving in now
will give you happiness you deserve.

but I do hope that one day,
we will meet face to face,
and there will be no more silence in between.

Letters from within;

As I was packing my room today,

I found a letter from a old long lost friend

alright, maybe it was that long ago.
somehow it feels like it happened a long time ago,
yet at the same time, it feels like it was yesterday.

Idk what else to say
or what else that can be done.

but one thing for sure, I still miss you.
hoping that I will somehow see you again.

not as stranger, but something different

Is everything abit too late?

I realise that afterall,
this is not what I ultimately need or want.

If I could change it the way it used to be,
I would.

Drenched in tears

AA ball last sunday!

my goodness, time is passing too fast.

I don't even have time to enjoy this mid-sem

haven't got the time to study either.

I wish someone would erase all my memories.

or make me become someone without emotions.

Then life will be much efficient, do you think?

Wondering why we even bother about love if it never last

songs that totally relates to you and me.

Photobooth with Doo!

we went to high school reunion

and and...we found a logged-in macbook

so we decided to repeat history.

Normal normal pictures...

Oh damn, now the crazy and scary parts...

I am soooo sleep deprived

and I'm not sure whether crankiness is the result of it.

and also, memory loss cos seriously, I feel like I've done anything.

It's like I'm a living zoombie.

This year, along with its ups and down, has been vv different

I've done so many things I haven't thought I would.

sometimes, I hate it.

feeling like I'm going to the "dark side"

but maybe sometimes, it's the only thing I can do to make myself happy for a spilt second.



Random rant

I feel so crap now
It must be becos I stayed up till 5am to do my psych assignment
and I skipped my first 3 lectures/tutes.

but I still have to go to uni >.<
great, means I have to leave soon too.

Did I mention how crap was reunion?
my goodness, what a waste of my time and all the hype.
and not to mention my 17 bucks!

WooOoh, last day of uni!
even though I have to go in tomorrow to hand in my assignment.

2 weeks of holidays.
What should I do?
it seems pretty short but can't be as bad as monash ppl
then again, they finish way earlier.

Heal my broken heart.

I love this song.
I heard it a couple of times in church.
but only yesterday, this song hit me so badly.

That tingly feeling inside.
The pieces of a broken heart slowly being mended.
That feeling where you just want to stand and fight.
empowered by His love.

There's nothing in Christ that I can't do.
With Him, I am able to do all things.
He wipes the tears on my face,
comforts my soul,
and empowers me to do His will.

The sweet taste of Him brings joy and a smile to one's heart
He's the ultimate Healer.

Lyric:

No mountain, no valley

No gain or loss we know

Could keep us from Your love

No sickness, no secret

No chain is strong enough

To keep us from Your love

To keep us from Your love

Chorus:

How high, how wide

No matter where I am

Healing is in Your hands

How deep, how strong

Now by Your grace I stand

Healing is in Your hands

Our present, our future

Our past is in Your hands

We're covered by Your blood

We're covered by Your blood

In all things, we know that

We are more than conquerors

You keep us by Your love

Today, my decision will change my future.
I'm afraid.
I'm on the edge of the cliff right now.
Eager to stay where I am,
but uncertain if my emotions will push me over.

Just let me do the right thing, please.

you done it all.

In every possible way you can hurt me.
You done it all.

I don't know what to do anymore.
I wish my thoughts will leave me alone.
The fear in my heart still haunts me.
unsettled, alone, isolated.

No more pain, no more suffering.

I will get through this.
becos I'm stronger than this.

Take me away.

I hate this.
I hate this
I hate this
I hate this

I hate myself

Someone take me away, please.
somewhere far.
somewhere where thoughts don't exist
where the world has rotten yet.
where there will only be tears of joy
where I can feel peace
no more pain and suffering.

Pic-Me

 

Taiwanese Ball (monash)
hence why the fob glasses :)

Yes, so you see I have upload my photos :)
still have tons of random ones but I shall share that next time.

I'm sooo tired
haven't been sleeping so well lately.
I've tons of uni stuff to do and so many things on my mind.

I need a break. a mental break
before it breaks down.

I woke up in the morning,
feeling like I want to rip myself apart

living in the moment.

I'm currently at this beautiful library.
Overlooking this pond which I like to think of it as a valley.
The houses are amazing. it's like display homes.

And to just emphasize how pretty this place is.
A car just stopped outside
and a highschool chick got off the car to take photos of the scenary
Damn, I wish I live around here.
It's so secluded from the everyday busy life.

I meant to be studying but the view is such a beau
that I have been daydreaming for a while now.
and guess what, I have a manga with me! :)

It feels peaceful here but it's sad to say that when I leave this place.
reality will hit hard again. oh no! xD

you know what, it feels like I'm at wilson prom.
can't wait for holidays to come. but this only means that my mid-sem test is next week
and my assignment worth 40% is due next week toooo!!

My gosh, someone save me!

I will miss you no more till tomorrow comes

I think today is the first day I start to feel sad for my lost time.
no regrets, I would always say.
but I do wish I learn to cherish and treasure what I had before.

I miss my friends.
those lovely people who have never fail to brighten my day,
who are always there to lend me their shoulders
who care and love for me
who trouble over my own problems.sorry for my absences, but I sincerely miss you.
Old pictures from 2009
can't wait for reunion next week :)

Being 19

I just finish my assignment and it's now 4.30am!

WooOoohh.......

I'm so sleep deprived, esp the fact that I only had less than 3 hour of sleep on friday night.

But anw, I don't wanna go to sleep becos I'm feeling like crap.

and to be honest, I don't even know why I'm posting up photos from my birthday?

I feel so dumb posting all these up because it makes me feel even more piss off at myself.

but whatever, mayb it's to make myself think positively.

My birthday dinner at Shira Nui

Birthday cake with Gary

-made by P.ho <3

My Surprise B'dae

Sometimes, the word "sorry" has lost its meaning.

becos I'm so sick of hearing it.

it doesn't even mean anything anymore.

What's the point of that when it's a whole lot of BS?

still don't understand why I put myself through all these.

For me, this is the worst time to post about my b'dae

you know why?

cos posting up my b'dae is meant to be a happy thing.

but I just can't pretend to sound "excited"

Oh well, my b'dae has been ages ago anyway.

maybe when my mood is better. I'll write something happy :)

good nights peeps!

and oh wait, not to mention AA ball tables are such a hassle.

never gonna organise 1 again, let alone 2!